Just Not That Into You

Elton the Magnificent

Last week, David Elton, who’s running for the Spokane City Council in District 2, filled out his Spokane Regional Labor Council endorsement application with a magical pen. In shifting colors of red, blue and purple, while randomly bolding, italicizing, underlining and capitalizing some of the words in his answers, Elton makes it clear that he doesn’t want the union’s endorsement. At all. The result is just plain magical.

“UNIONS have killed GM,” Elton declares to one question about the use of union labels on campaign paraphernalia. Later, when the application asks for his background in unions, he writes, “I was forced to be a union member in 1988. It left a bad taste in my mouth.”

He quotes the anti-union hero, Ronald Reagan, suggests that the government bidding process might be better off if it didn’t allow unionized companies, and declares that unions exist “via coercion.” Unions maimed the airline and auto industries, he continues, and “teacher unions are gluttonously selfish.”

OK, he never says he doesn’t want the endorsement, but the smart money is on his not getting it. But at least he tried. Some 2,000 words into the questionnaire, he finishes with a self-deprecating note. “This is my opinion,” he writes. “I could be wrong.” — NICHOLAS DESHAIS

First Ombudsman selected

Spokane’s first police ombudsman is a California code enforcer with a ponytail down to his shoulder blades.

On Tuesday, Tim Burns accepted an offer from Mayor Mary Verner. The choice must be approved by the City Council, which may vote on the matter in the next couple of weeks.

Burns was a 21-year police officer for Los Gatos, Calif., before retiring and becoming a code enforcement administrator and neighborhood preservation manager for the city of Visalia. He was selected from more than 100 applicants.

The Bark of Young Earthquake

Harry Bright is an inquisitive fellow who generally observes the passing parade of life from under the brim of a Stetson hat. He has a trim, white mustache gracing his upper lip and an idea that seems simple enough: Wouldn’t it be nice if both the little cannons that once were at the Spokane House fur-trading post were there once again?

This is more arduous a task than it might seem, but first, a little detour that may explain why Harry Bright has a thing for two small cannons from the early days of Northwest fur trading.

The scene, as described by Angus McDonald, one of the last fur traders: A river journey is about to begin and boats are loaded and ready. A hide of buffalo or bear is run up the flagpole. People are cheering — or huzzah!-ing, as they did in the way-back — and the little brass cannon was hauled out to signal the journey’s start.

“It was loaded with powder and twice lashed to a big stone with mountain buffalo cords. The little cannon made the opposing mountain answer him as if it had been a young earthquake.”

Who wouldn’t like to give voice to a young earthquake on occasion?

The cannon McDonald describes had come from Spokane House to Fort Colville and later was blown into three pieces during some revelry at Christmas time. Miraculously, with two pieces flooded by Grand Coulee Dam, all three parts have been found — the last in 1969 — and now reside together in the Northwest Museum of Arts and Culture.

The second cannon, an iron gun, spent about 100 years submerged in the Little Spokane River near the original site of Spokane House until one Don McFarlane stubbed his toe on the muzzle while wading and hauled it out. McFarlane liked to show off the cannon — he even loaned it to teacher Ed Becher to display to history classes at Rogers High.

Sometime during the 1960s, the cannon vanished from McFarlane’s house and is still in the wind.

Next year is the 200th anniversary of Spokane House, and Bright would like to see both guns — after all their twists and turns — back at the post for the celebration. He is requesting the MAC to release the brass cannon.

More importantly, he’s hoping someone will know the whereabouts of the little iron one-pounder and bring it home.

It’s just not a party without cannons and gunpowder. Be nice to hear the bark of young earthquake again. – KEVIN TAYLOR