I Saw You

I SAW YOU

NOT, I DIDN'T SEE YOU, MR. FRENCH: I didn't see you attending Board of Health meetings for at least the first 10 years of your career as a county commissioner. This is according to the attendance as recorded in the Spokane Regional Health District's meeting minutes from those years of non-service on your part. You were elected to do a job, and you were paid for that job. Why?

NO, F—- YOU: Me: riding my bike north on Mayfair, far to the right of the median around 5 pm. A median is a line (often marked and sometimes partitioned) that divides a road or street down the middle. We'll get back to that later. You: making a left turn in your sporty red Toyota two-door south from Crown Avenue entirely too sharply. I saw you barely enter the intersection to turn left, and I hit my brakes as you drove at me behind the stop line. I shouted, "Yooo!" at you because your head was turned the other way. Your window was open so you heard me and stopped before driving over me. I took a breath to regain composure because that kind of thing is scary. I take a lot of measures to avoid it. Always staying to the right of the median and keeping my head pointed in the direction I'm going, for example. The way a driver would. A good driver, anyway. As you were going back to your side of the road, I heard you say, "F—- you." That was rude. I didn't care for that. I shouted, "Eat shit, motherf——-." because I'm a straight shooter and you deserved to hear it. You slammed on your brakes like you were going to turn around and say something ("Sorry," one could hope), but you didn't say anything. Anyhow, enjoy the dent that rock left in your trunk. You deserve that, too.

CHEERS

TO THE BEST WORDS: Every word has a flavor — and a level of salt, fat, acid or heat. And the thrill of writing is all about foraging for the perfect ingredients and combining them in the right order and the right time. Sometimes you want to use sparse words and short sentences. Clean. Fresh. Other times you want a rich and sumptuous feast of seven-course sentences that indulgently unfold over a long and luxurious procession of decadence, absolutely dripping with sinfully purple prose. Or, wait — should that be, "every word has a flavour?"

PATIENT HEART: Today you sat with your loved one at Cancer Care Northwest. I listened as you became the target of her bad mood and anger. Possibly agitated by a long day on top of the anger that a cancer diagnosis, which — trust me — makes all of those affected angry. You kept your calm. You continued to be kind and gentle with your very bitter loved one. I want you to know that I see you; I acknowledge your heart and all the difficulties being a caregiver is and can be. She does not realize how lucky she is to have you. Kudos to you

QUALITY INN PROJECT: We need to have more compassion and support this project and others like it. If neighbors are concerned, start a block watch or similar. The guidelines for the project are great. Those people that "don't want to be told what to do" may have warrants, back child support or IRS problems. Maybe partial amnesty and work off the rest. Outlaw begging.

PAY IT FORWARD: I would like to thank the awesome woman at the Valley Walmart on 10/1 around 1:30 pm who paid the difference on my bill because I did not have enough money. My son and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts. The world needs more people like you! We will pay it forward. God bless.

CHEERS TO GRAIN SHED: Gotta say the bread that is being baked at the grain shed is pretty good stuff; way to go guys. Went in there and got a "Breakfast Sando" sandwich and was not disappointed. And pretty rare to see so many attractive people working in one place outside of a Walmart or a Target. ... But I digress, this place also looks good just in terms of decor; they got a wall covered in Texas stuff (I love that cause my aunt is from Texas), and they even have a guy who looks just like Willie Nelson who will go around meeting people and sing a song sometimes.

JEERS

VALLEY GOVERNMENT! What is wrong with you Spokane Valley? Changing Sprague Avenue AGAIN? All those cones in front of the University-Argonne stretch??? Do you think Spokane is SHRINKING?????

RORSCHACH TEST: Ink, like beauty, is only skin deep. Neither has ever contributed toward making anybody a better person. At least it makes it much easier to tell the conformists from the nonconformists.

RE: "FART SMELLER" Jeers to the person last week who mocked the person who complained about the noise at Comstock Park while the Spokane Symphony was performing. I think you missed the point. I'm pretty sure the symphony was there to perform. I'm also pretty sure the people who were gathered were there to hear. There are plenty of other places for people to make noise at the park, perhaps away from the symphony. Your response was laughable, and the "fart" reference was imbecilic but fitting. But then again, what do I know? Perhaps those who were playing enjoy it when people aren't there to hear them play or can't hear them. Now that makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? Dumb!

RE: TO WEST HILLS NIMBYERS: First of all, you write comments acting like the brilliant person you're not. To put all of WEST HILLS in one catagory is arrogant. Grab a map and figure out where exactly you are talking about. I find it funny that everyone has a comment on homelessness when it doesn't affect their neighborhood. To write such a wasteful, uninspired response when the homelessness is a citywide issue shows little care and understanding of the actual problem. Sure that response was easy to write because of the closet Christian you are. The fact that kicking the can around would be your best solution is pathetic.

UBER EATS RECIPIENTS: Dear Uber Eats Recipients: Is there some special reason you feel its OK not to tip the driver? Are we not performing a service for you? We pick up your food, and sometimes it's quite difficult to find a spot to park. We then run in to get your food, run back to our car, and drive as fast as we can safely to get your food to you warm. Sometimes I have delivered food 20 miles out. We don't always get a lot of calls for trips, and that hurts. You are not taking your time to do this job. You are not putting hellacious miles on your car. You are not putting wear and tear on your car. Most of you women get your hair and nails done, and always tip the person who worked on you. So, please tip your Uber Eats driver. We don't make much these days with the high-priced gas. It would be most appreciated if you consumers would please give us Uber Eats drivers tips. Thank you for listening.

SMOKING IDIOT: I was heading out of Liberty Lake back to Spokane after volunteering at the visiting Vietnam Wall in September. You were the jerk speeding through traffic to get to the east bound on-ramp. Not only reckless and tailgating on that awful curved on-ramp, you flicked your cigarette out of your window into 2-foot-high dry grass. Thank goodness you didn't start a fire. You win biggest jerk of the year! Now grow up. ♦