This spring, the Spokane Velocity men's soccer team began their inaugural season at ONE Spokane Stadium. Now, the Spokane Zephyr women's soccer team is gearing up to begin their first season later this month, debuting on Aug. 17.
But something is missing.
Last September, we created an entire cover section of the Inlander dedicated to our local sports mascots. We take mascots very seriously here at the Inlander, so now that we have two professional soccer teams to cheer for, we think it's high time they get mascots of their own.
Here are our suggestions. Take 'em or leave 'em, but we'll be waiting for your calls.
ZEPHYRUS
It's literally in the name. Zephyrus is the Greek god and personification of the West Wind. Spokane is in the West! And it's super windy! In Homer's Odyssey, Zephyrus is tasked with gently blowing Odysseus' ship back to Ithaca (which doesn't go exactly as planned, but that's beside the point), a mighty task that only the strongest and most dedicated would be given. As long as you can find someone willing to run around in some ancient Greek garb, this might be the perfect, all-encompassing pick for the women's team. (MADISON PEARSON)
RUSH & HARPIE, THE G.O.A.T.S.
Sorry, fellow writers, the choice is obvious. We've got the Garbage Goat. We've got the 509 Syndicate. We've got Bo the Goat (Spokane County Interstate Fair's 2024 mascot). The Velocity and Zephyr are basically begging for twin goat mascots. Need more convincing? Goats are super smart. Goats are super cute. They can also be straight up terrifying. Not to mention they're literally the GREATEST OF ALL TIME. What more do you need? Names are a work in progress for sure, but I'd go with Rush and Harpie. Rush can be a ram for Velocity, fast, powerful and relentless. Harpie would be named for the Greek spirits of the wind, aka every single Zephyr player. Boom. Done. You're welcome, Spokane soccer. Harnetiaux fam, I'll look for an email from y'all. (ELIZA BILLINGHAM)
MR. VELOCITY & MRS. ZEPHYR
Picture it: Mr. and Mrs. Met but with soccer balls for heads instead of baseballs. Low-hanging fruit, I know, but it's worked for the Mets so far. (MP)
FLEA THE CHILI PEPPER
Zephyrs are extremely underrepresented in the pop cultural sphere. But you know who has repped the zeph? Red Hot Chili Peppers. The Cali rock icons had a hit with 2002's atmospheric "The Zephyr Song," so perhaps the new Spokane women's squad should lean into rocking out. A pepper mascot would convey the fun, spicy fire the team will hopefully bring to the pitch, and naming it after the band's beloved bassist would make the pepper's name easy to recall. This idea? I'm happy to give it away, give it away, give it away now... (SETH SOMMERFELD)
ANTHROPOMORPHIC WATERFALL
Taking inspiration from Stanford University's unofficial mascot, The Tree, the Velocity's mascot could simply be a hastily made waterfall costume created and worn by a new super-fan every season. At Stanford, The Tree's costume is made anew yearly by the incumbent Tree, letting students show off their creativity. I can see the flowy blue fabric with tiny trout decorations affixed to it already... (MP)A LIVE MARMOT
Another low-effort suggestion, but hear me out: Marmots like to hang out on wide, grassy fields, and surely some of the species' locals have wondered what the heck is up with the squishy green turf that recently popped up in their preferred habitat of the Spokane River's banks. You know that storyline in Ted Lasso with the little greyhound mascot that got bonked by a ball on the sidelines, later to return wearing a tiny dog-sized helmet? It's time for an official team marmot handler and an even tinier helmet for what could be the best opportunity a Spokane pro sports team may ever have to embrace the region's beloved member of the Rodentia order. (CHEY SCOTT) ♦
