Move over wine moms and IPA snobs, stoners are blazing toward a culture of classier consumption. Pretty soon we'll have groups of hipster-like smokers who cringe at anything less than what they consider high class.
There will be no more disgusting hammers filled with burnt distillate, no more bongs crusted with an algae-like film from months of heavy use, and no more using household objects as a pipe in a pinch. No, it's now time to don cute outfits while toking up, using glassware that could be pulled directly from your grandmother's curio cabinet.
Not sure where to get started? We've got the perfect ideas for you.
One of the things that seems pretty synonymous with smokers is the faint smell that they always seem to waft. Smart enthusiasts set aside a particular outfit to wear only when blazing, that way the smell is relegated to the singular article of clothing.
But since we're classing up the practice of smoking, we can update our wardrobes to match. So, throw out that raggedy hoodie without its strings and the matching pair of sweatpants with a burn mark or two.
There's a few different approaches to effortless stoner fashion, but we think the top priority should be getting a statement SMOKERS JACKET. While any type of fabric will do, it might be best to get something that doesn't retain much of an odor, like merino wool or a flashy satin.
To add to the classy vibe we're going for, we recommend picking up a jacket from one of the many vintage clothing stores the Spokane area has to offer, like Teleport Vintage + Co., Chosen Vintage, Boulevard Mercantile or Collective Threads.
If you want to be obnoxiously classy, get a knockoff of Hugh Hefner's signature maroon robe-like jacket and call it a day.
Now that you've updated your wardrobe, it's time to update the tools of your trade. We know it may be hard to part with the bong or ashtray that you've come to love, but you'll be a whole lot cooler in the end.
If you find yourself drawn to a more antique-y vibe, we recommend taking a look at Pearl's Puff Parlor, a Latina-owned small business operating out of Memphis, Tennessee. The shop puts an innovative spin on generally basic items, like a BONG WITH A BUTTERFLY SHAPED BOWL, and much of its glassware comes in pastel color themes.
Each and every item looks like it could be shown in a gallery — and definitely should be shown in whatever area you smoke in.
While you're filling your cart, it may be a good time to find a pretty floral lighter to match your new setup.
If you're looking for less chic, but still classy, additions to your collection, we recommend taking a look at celebrity-stoner Seth Rogen's online store, Houseplant. Or more specifically, we recommend searching for your new CLASSY ASHTRAY.
With a handful of options ranging from $25 to $295, there's a good chance you'll find something to fit the vibe you're crafting. Like a stacked ceramic ashtray that could technically pass as a flower vase or one that's technically a side table... or it may be a side table that's technically an ashtray, we're not totally sure.
There's even a record holder ashtray for the snobbish music listeners who vehemently use a record player for their tune times. And if you wanna get crazy, you could stop at Spokane's Go! Records, Entropy, or any other Inland Northwest record stores to pick up an OLD-TIMEY TURNTABLE and an old Glass Animals record from when they produced more of a funky, trippy sound.
Once you're got all the smoke sesh staples, it's time to start getting some accessories to really hit the nail on its classy head. Luckily for stoners, cigarette smokers have already turned smoking into a posh pastime.
There are tons of different accessories in a smoker's toolkit, but the one that adds the most elegant feeling to your consumption is a JOINT HOLDER. And the best place to find those is on Etsy. A bunch of different sellers have their own take on the trend, with some adding gemstones or beads to the accessory's body.
But sometimes, simple is the best choice. For this, we recommend finding a thin gold or rose gold holder with a singular flower that clasps around the joint.
While it may take some time to collect enough items to be considered a classy smoker, it's important to remember that the process is part of the fun. ♦
